I wonder who would win the election if only cows could vote. They are the real rural vote - they live, breathe and eat the countryside.
They are the signature of rural life.
But how would they vote? Let's consider the evidence.
Labour would have a very strong shout given that the head honcho at Defra - Hilary Benn - is a vegetarian. No cow could accuse him of eating one of the family - which is helpful in an election.
However, it is under the Labour Government that the dairy herd has dropped by 22 per cent and the beef herd has dropped by 13 per cent. (These are genuine Defra figures by the way). I don't see how the cow population would vote Labour when these stark figures are taken into account.
What about the Tories? Jim Paice, hoping to be next farm minister, would woo the cows by promising to tackle their arch enemy - the disease ridden badger. Assuming badgers don't get a vote in this animal election, Jim would pick up lots of votes here.
After all, just under 40,000 cattle were slaughtered in 2008, at huge cost to farmer and taxpayer. If Jim could tackle TB, that is a lot of extra Tory votes walking the British pastures.
But the obvious and awkward question for Jim Paice remains - why would I vote for you, you ate my brother.
No, cows won't vote Tory.
The Liberal Democrats would have a good chance of winning key votes because they have promised to redistribute CAP cash to
The cows will like this.
But the Lib Dems also want much greater integration with
A real vote loser.
The Green Party won't get a look in either - they always complain about the cow's flatulence problem. Which given most greens live on a diet of nuts and berries, is quite rich.
No, it is obvious who cows would vote for.
But I went canvassing in a field in
Most, if not all cows, said Moo...
And I am more than convinced they were trying to say the Moonster Raving Loony Party. So there you have it.
Cows vote for Loonies.
Either that or they were attempting to say Moove over humans, we want a go.
Or they were just cows and didn't understand me.
